Mothers Role in Combating Diseases of Children

The especial province of the mother is the prevention of disease, not its cure. When disease attacks the child, the mother has then a part to perform, which it is especially important during the epochs of infancy and childhood should be done well. I refer to those duties which constitute the maternal part of the management of disease.

Medical treatment, for its successful issue, is greatly dependent upon a careful, pains-taking, and judicious maternal superintendence. No medical treatment can avail at any time, if directions be only partially carried out, or be negligently attended to; and will most assuredly fail altogether, if counteracted by the erroneous prejudices of ignorant attendants. But to the affections of infancy and childhood, this remark applies with great force; since, at this period, disease is generally so sudden in its assaults, and rapid in its progress, that unless the measures prescribed are rigidly and promptly administered, their exhibition is soon rendered altogether fruitless.

The amount of suffering, too, may be greatly lessened by the thoughtful and discerning attentions of the mother. The wants and necessities of the young child must be anticipated; the fretfulness produced by disease, soothed by kind and affectionate persuasion; and the possibility of the sick and sensitive child being exposed to harsh and ungentle conduct, carefully provided against.

Again, not only is a firm and strict compliance with medical directions in the administration of remedies, of regimen, and general measures, necessary, but an unbiased, faithful, and full report of symptoms to the physician, when he visits his little patient, is of the first importance. An ignorant servant or nurse, unless great caution be exercised by the medical attendant, may, by an unintentional but erroneous report of symptoms, produce a very wrong impression upon his mind, as to the actual state of the disease. His judgment may, as a consequence, be biased in a wrong direction, and the result prove seriously injurious to the welldoing of the patient. The medical man cannot sit hour after hour watching symptoms; hence the great importance of their being faithfully reported. This can alone be done by the mother, or some person equally competent.

There are other weighty considerations which might be adduced here, proving how much depends upon efficient maternal management in the time of sickness; but they will be severally dwelt upon, when the diseases with which they are more particularly connected are spoken of.

Stopmach and Bowel Disorders Among Infants

Disorder of the stomach and bowels is one of the most fruitful sources of the diseases of infancy. Only prevent their derangement, and, all things being equal, the infant will be healthy and flourish, and need not the aid of physic or physicians.

There are many causes which may give rise to these affections; many of them appertain to the mother's system, some to that of the infant. All are capable, to a great extent, of being prevented or remedied. It is, therefore, most important that a mother should not be ignorant or misinformed upon this subject. It is the prevention of these affections, however, that will be principally dwelt upon here; for let the mother ever bear in mind, and act upon the principle, that the prevention of disease alone belongs to her; the cure to the physician. For the sake of clearness and reference, these disorders will be spoken of as they occur:

To the infant at the breast.

The infant's stomach and bowels may become deranged from the breast-milk becoming unwholesome. This may arise from the parent getting out of health, a circumstance which will be so manifest to herself, and to those more immediately interested in her welfare, that it is only necessary just to allude to it here. Suffice it to say, that there are many causes of a general kind to which it may owe its origin; but that the most frequent is undue lactation, and the effects both upon mother and child fully dwelt upon.

Anxiety of mind in the mother will cause her milk to be unhealthy in its character, and deficient in quantity, giving rise to flatulence, griping, and sometimes even convulsions in the infant. A fit of passion in the nurse will frequently be followed by a fit of bowel complain in the child. These causes of course are temporary, and when removed the milk becomes a healthy and sufficient for the child as before.

Sudden and great mental disturbance, however, will occasionally drive away the milk altogether, and in a few hours. A Mrs. S., aet. 29, a fine healthy woman, of a blonde complexion, was confined of a boy. She had a good time, and a plentiful supply of milk for the child, which she continued to suckle till the following January, a period of three months, when her milk suddenly disappeared. This circumstance puzzled the medical attendant, for he could not trace it to any physical ailment; but the milk never returned, and a wet-nurse became necessary. In the following spring the husband of this lady failed, an adversity which had been impending since the date when the breast-milk disappeared, upon which day the deranged state of the husband's affairs was made known to the wife, a fact which at once explained the mysterious disappearance of the milk.

Unwholesome articles of diet will affect the mother's milk, and derange the infant's bowels. Once, I was called to see an infant at the breast with diarrhoea. The remedial measures had but little effect so long as the infant was allowed the breast-milk; but this being discontinued, and arrow-root made with water only allowed, the complaint was quickly put a stop to. Believing that the mother's milk was impaired from some accidental cause which might now be passed, the infant was again allowed the breast. In less than four-and-twenty hours, however, the diarrhoea returned. The mother being a very healthy woman, it was suspected that some unwholesome article in her diet might be the cause. The regimen was accordingly carefully inquired into, when it appeared that porter from a neighbouring publican's had been substituted for their own for some little time past. This proved to be bad, throwing down, when left to stand a few hours, a considerable sediment; it was discontinued; good sound ale taken instead; the infant again put to the breast, upon the milk of which it flourished, and never had another attack.

In the same way aperient medicine, taken by the mother, will act on the child's bowels, through the effect which it produces upon her milk. This, however, is not the case with all kinds of purgative medicine, nor does the same purgative produce a like effect upon all children. It is well, therefore, for a parent to notice what aperient acts thus through her system upon that of her child, and what does not, and when an aperient becomes necessary for herself, unless she desire that the infant's bowels be moved, to avoid the latter; if otherwise, she may take the former with good effect.

Again; the return of the monthly periods whilst the mother is a nurse always affects the properties of the milk, more or less, deranging the stomach and bowels of the infant. It will thus frequently happen, that a few days before the mother is going to be unwell, the infant will become fretful and uneasy; its stomach will throw up the milk, and its motions will be frequent, watery, and greenish. And then, when the period is fully over, the milk will cease to purge. It is principally in the early months, however, that the infant seems to be affected by this circumstance; for it will be generally found that although the milk is certainly impaired by it, being less abundant and nutritious, still, after the third or fourth month it ceases to affect the infant. Is then a mother, because her monthly periods return after her delivery, to give up nursing? Certainly not, unless the infant's health is seriously affected by it; for she will generally find that, as the periods come round, by keeping the infant pretty much from the breast, during its continuance, and feeding him upon artificial food, she will prevent disorder of the child's health, and be able in the intervals to nurse her infant with advantage. It must be added, however, that a wet- nurse is to be resorted to rather than any risk incurred of injuring the child's health; and that, in every case, partial feeding will be necessary at a much earlier period than when a mother is not thus affected.

The milk may also be rendered less nutritive, and diminished in quantity, by the mother again becoming pregnant. In this case, however, the parent's health will chiefly suffer, if she persevere in nursing; this, however, will again act prejudicially to the child. It will be wise, therefore, if pregnancy should occur, and the milk disagree with the infant, to resign the duties of a nurse, and to put the child upon a suitable artificial diet.

The infant that is constantly at the breast will always be suffering, more or less, from flatulence, griping, looseness of the bowels, and vomiting. This is caused by a sufficient interval not being allowed between the meals for digestion. The milk, therefore, passes on from the stomach into the bowels undigested, and the effects just alluded to follow. Time must not only be given for the proper digestion of the milk, but the stomach itself must be allowed a season of repose. This evil, then, must be avoided most carefully by the mother strictly adhering to those rules for nursing.

During Childhood

The clothing of the child should possess the same properties as that of infancy. It should afford due warmth, be of such materials as do not irritate the skin, and so made as to occasion no unnatural constriction.

In reference to due warmth, it may be well again to repeat, that too little clothing is frequently productive of the most sudden attacks of active disease; and that children who are thus exposed with thin clothing in a climate so variable as ours are the frequent subjects of croup, and other dangerous affections of the air- passages and lungs. On the other hand, it must not be forgotten, that too warm clothing is a source of disease, sometimes even of the same diseases which originate in exposure to cold, and often renders the frame more susceptible of the impressions of cold, especially of cold air taken into the lungs. Regulate the clothing, then, according to the season; resume the winter dress early; lay it aside late; for it is in spring and autumn that the vicissitudes in our climate are greatest, and congestive and inflammatory complaints most common.

With regard to material (as was before observed), the skin will at this age bear flannel next to it; and it is now not only proper, but necessary. It may be put off with advantage during the night, and cotton maybe substituted during the summer, the flannel being resumed early in the autumn. If from very great delicacy of constitution it proves too irritating to the skin, fine fleecy hosiery will in general be easily endured, and will greatly conduce to the preservation of health.

It is highly important that the clothes of the boy should be so made that no restraints shall be put on the movements of the body or limbs, nor injurious pressure made on his waist or chest. All his muscles ought to have full liberty to act, as their free exercise promotes both their growth and activity, and thus insures the regularity and efficiency of the several functions to which these muscles are subservient.

The same remarks apply with equal force to the dress of the girl; and happily, during childhood, at least, no distinction is made in this matter between the sexes. Not so, however, when the girl is about to emerge from this period of life; a system of dress is then adopted which has the most pernicious effects upon her health, and the development of the body, the employment of tight stays, which impede the free and full action of the respiratory organs, being only one of the many restrictions and injurious practices from which in latter years they are thus doomed to suffer so severely.

Suitable Clothing for Children

During infancy

Infants are very susceptible of the impressions of cold; a proper regard, therefore, to a suitable clothing of the body, is imperative to their enjoyment of health. Unfortunately, an opinion is prevalent in society, that the tender child has naturally a great power of generating heat and resisting cold; and from this popular error has arisen the most fatal results. This opinion has been much strengthened by the insidious manner in which cold operates on the frame, the injurious effects not being always manifest during or immediately after its application, so that but too frequently the fatal result is traced to a wrong source, or the infant sinks under the action of an unknown cause.

The power of generating heat in warm-blooded animals is at its minimum at birth, and increases successively to adult age; young animals, instead of being warmer than adults, are generally a degree or two colder, and part with their heat more readily; facts which cannot be too generally known. They show how absurd must be the folly of that system of "hardening" the constitution (to which reference has been before made), which induces the parent to plunge the tender and delicate child into the cold bath at all seasons of the year, and freely expose it to the cold, cutting currents of an easterly wind, with the lightest clothing.

The principles which ought to guide a parent in clothing her infant are as follows:

The material and quantity of the clothes should be such as to preserve a sufficient proportion of warmth to the body, regulated therefore by the season of the year, and the delicacy or strength of the infant's constitution. In effecting this, however, the parent must guard against the too common practice of enveloping the child in innumerable folds of warm clothing, and keeping it constantly confined to very hot and close rooms; thus running into the opposite extreme to that to which I have just alluded: for nothing tends so much to enfeeble the constitution, to induce disease, and render the skin highly susceptible to the impression of cold; and thus to produce those very ailments which it is the chief intention to guard against.

In their make they should be so arranged as to put no restrictions to the free movements of all parts of the child's body; and so loose and easy as to permit the insensible perspiration to have a free exit, instead of being confined to and absorbed by the clothes, and held in contact with the skin, till it gives rise to irritation.

In their quality they should be such as not to irritate the delicate skin of the child. In infancy, therefore, flannel is rather too rough, but is desirable as the child grows older, as it gives a gentle stimulus to the skin, and maintains health.

In its construction the dress should be so simple as to admit of being quickly put on, since dressing is irksome to the infant, causing it to cry, and exciting as much mental irritation as it is capable of feeling. Pins should be wholly dispensed with, their use being hazardous through the carelessness of nurses, and even through the ordinary movements of the infant itself.

The clothing must be changed daily. It is eminently conducive to good health that a complete change of dress should be made every day. If this is not done, washing will, in a great measure, fail in its object, especially in insuring freedom from skin diseases.

Teaching A Child To Walk

Exercise is essentially important to the health of the infant. Its first exercise, of course, will be in the nurse's arms. After a month or two, when it begins to sleep less during the day, it will delight to roll and kick about on the sofa: it will thus use its limbs freely; and this, with carrying out into the open air, is all the exercise it requires at this period. By and by, however, the child will make its first attempts to walk. Now it is important that none of the many plans which have been devised to teach a child to walk, should be adopted the go-cart, leading-strings, etc.; their tendency is mischievous; and flatness of the chest, confined lungs, distorted spine, and deformed legs, are so many evils which often originate in such practices. This is explained by the fact of the bones in infancy being comparatively soft and pliable, and if prematurely subjected by these contrivances to carry the weight of the body, they yield just like an elastic stick bending under a weight, and as a natural consequence become curved and distorted.

It is highly necessary that the young and experienced mother should recollect this fact, for the early efforts of the little one to walk are naturally viewed by her with so much delight, that she will be apt to encourage and prolong its attempts, without any thought of the mischief which they may occasion; thus many a parent has had to mourn over the deformity which she has herself created.

It may be as well here to remark, that if such distortion is timely noticed, it is capable of correction, even after evident curvature has taken place. It is to be remedied by using those means that shall invigorate the frame, and promote the child's general health (a daily plunge into the cold bath, or sponging with cold salt water, will be found signally efficacious), and by avoiding the original cause of the distortion never allowing the child to get upon his feet. The only way to accomplish the latter intention, is to put both the legs into a large stocking; this will effectually answer this purpose, while, at the same time, it does not prevent the free and full exercise of the muscles of the legs. After some months pursuing this plan, the limbs will be found no longer deformed, the bones to have acquired firmness and the muscles strength; and the child may be permitted to get upon his feet again without any hazard of perpetuating or renewing the evil.

The best mode of teaching a child to walk, is to let it teach itself, and this it will do readily enough. It will first crawl about: this exercises every muscle in the body, does not fatigue the child, throws no weight upon the bones, but imparts vigour and strength, and is thus highly useful. After a while, having the power, it will wish to do more: it will endeavour to lift itself upon its feet by the aid of a chair, and though it fail again and again in its attempts, it will still persevere until it accomplish it. By this it learns, first, to raise itself from the floor; and secondly, to stand, but not without keeping hold of the object on which it has seized. Next it will balance itself without holding, and will proudly and laughingly show that it can stand alone. Fearful, however, as yet of moving its limbs without support, it will seize a chair or anything else near it, when it will dare to advance as far as the limits of its support will permit. This little adventure will be repeated day after day with increased exultation; when, after numerous trials, he will feel confident of his power to balance himself, and he will run alone. Now time is required for this gradual self-teaching, during which the muscles and bones become strengthened; and when at last called upon to sustain the weight of the body, are fully capable of doing so.

Tips for the Safety of Kids

1, Always keep the baby neat and clean.

2, Cut the nails properly with utmost care.

3, Wet nappy should be removed and parts should be cleaned with soap.

4, Take care of the genitals because fungal infection is common in that area. Parts should be kept dry.

5,Care of the scalp is very important.Fungal infections, dermatitis ect can be prevented by proper cleaning.

6,Tight dress can cause irritation, hence dress should be loose and should allow entry of air.

7,Room should have sufficient light and ventilation.It should be free from dust and insects.

8,Seperate bed preferably water proof is needed for kids .It should be arranged near mother's bed.

9, Always keep some music making toys near the baby.

10, While carrying the baby support the head with hand.Since the neck muscles are weak sudden fall of head can be dangerous.

11, Mothers milk is the best nutrition for the baby,it also gives emotional attachment.Breast milk should be given as per the babies need preferably in mother sitting position.Proper cleaning of nipple is also necessary.Mother should take good nutritious diet throughout lactating period.

12, If there is some contraindication for breast feeding cows milk can be given.Feeding bottle should be cleaned with warm water and should be kept dry till next use.

13, Cows milk should be boiled and cooled.Some diseases like bovine tuberculosis,brucellosis ect spread through raw milk.

14, Some children are allergic to some substances like food,milk,dress,cosmetics ect.. Try to find out the material causing allergy and avoid such things.

15, Mosquito nets should be used regularly.Diseases like malaria,dengue ,filariasis,yellow fever and ect spread through mosquito bites. Mosquito bite can also produce skin eruptions with some allergic reactions.It also disturbes sound sleep.

16, A calm atmosphere should be maintained for a good sleep.Compared to adults infants need more sleep.It is said that growth hormone secretion is activated during sleep.

17, Growth developement,behavioral developement,motor developement,personal social developement,language developement ect should be noted down in relation to age. However parents need not be over anxious because slight variations are seen from individual to individual.

18,Assessment of growth by measuring height and weight is necessary.

19, In the early months of life infant may defecate after every feed.Proper toilet training should be given when the infant grows.The infant can be placed on the toilet seat by the age of ten months.

20, The toilet seat (potty seat) should be cleaned with antiseptic liquid before and after use.It should not be shared by other children.

21, If the baby shows some signs of distress like excessive crying,convulsions,fever with rigor,stiffness of neck,frequent vomiting and diarrhoea,bluish discolouration of the body,difficult breathing with grunting, ect pay attention and consult your doctor.

22,A first aid box should be kept in the room ,which should contain sterile cotton,dressing materials,antiseptic lotion and ointment and forceps.Seperate book should be maintained to note down the phone numbers of doctors, ambulance,police ect.

23,Child's medicines should be kept in seperate box.Information regarding dose and mode of administration should be written in a paper and affixed on the box.

24, while driving keep the baby in seperate seat belt.

25, When you are going out with the baby keep an identity card with your phone number and address inside his small pocket.

26, When the infant starts walking always accompany him to prevent a fall and injuries thereby.

27, In emergencies take the first aid measures and take the victim to nearby hospital.

Baby is Trying to Tell You Something

Crying is a normal, everyday event in the lives of most babies. Since they can't talk right away, crying is the only way babies have to communicate that they need something. But even though we know crying is natural, it can still be upsetting. Learning more about why infants cry can help you feel more patient and confident and do a better job of meeting the needs of your baby.

For Babies, Crying Is Communicating

Crying is the most important way babies have of communicating their needs. Babies don't have spoken words to tell us what they need or like or feel. Instead, they have a language all their own. Feet-kicking, hand-waving, head-turning, and different kinds of cries are the "words." Since adults speak a different language, it can be tricky at first to figure out what a crying baby is saying. Dealing with a crying infant is most upsetting when you can't understand what your baby needs or can't make the crying stop. However, with observation, patience, and the experience of trying different things, you can learn a lot about what your baby is saying with his cries.

Infants cry some of the time. Some infants cry very little while others cry a great deal. Some are easy to calm, while others can be more difficult to soothe. Some babies cry very intensely while others whimper. Babies may differ in how they cry, but why they cry is almost always for the same general reason: they need something. Babies cry when they are hungry or sick. They cry when they feel uncomfortable, like when they are wet or too hot or too cold. Babies cry if they are lonely, bored, or tired, and when they are in pain. You can learn to recognize many of these cries and give the baby prompt attention.

Situations make it harder for you to understand what the baby is trying to tell you. For example, the cries of a baby who was born several months too early are sometimes harder to figure out than those of full-term babies. A baby who is sick may have a cry that is harder to understand than the cry of a healthy baby. Still, even in these circumstances, you can learn to understand what the baby needs.

When Crying Is Hard To Figure Out

Sometimes babies cry for reasons that even the most sensitive parents cannot understand. When you have figured out that the baby is not hungry, wet, sick, hot, cold, bored, tired, or in pain, try other things to help your baby feel better. (Wait one minute before doing anything. Be calm and see if the baby stops on her own. Also, remember that whatever you try may not work immediately. Give your baby time to notice the change and calm down. Then, if it doesn't work, try something else.)

* Lean over her without picking her up let her hear your soothing voice.
* Pat her back or stroke her head as you count slowly out loud "1,001...1,002...1,003..."
* Let her listen to a repeating sound, such as a low thumping noise or an electric shaver.
* Walk outdoors with her.
* Rock her in your arms or walk with her against your shoulder...
* Hum or sing to her.
* Try a pacifier, or help her find her thumb to suck on.
* Change the position of the baby: Lay him on his stomach across your lap.

Taking the time to understand your baby's cries will pay off later. We know that a baby who has her needs met in a sensitive, appropriate way in the first few months is more likely to cry less later. Responding promptly to your baby's cries is not going to create a spoiled child. In fact, it will actually promote her development in important ways. It will also help her to feel that her world is safe and predictable.

Help Your Baby Sleep Trhough the Night

The average parent who has a baby with a sleep problem is told to get Dr. Ferber's 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' book. And while helpful for some, it is obviously not the right choice for many parents, especially those who don't want to let their baby cry.

Among the most helpful advice this book offers is educating parents about realistic expectations for sleep and helping them decide if they really do have a problem.

Is your 6 week old waking up 2-3 times a night to eat? Then rest assured that is normal.

Is your 6 month old waking up twice for feedings, but you both wake up in the morning wll rested and happy? Then that isn't really a problem either.

Or are you a parent who really doesn't 'relish' waking up several times at night to feed your older infant? Then the solutions in this book will help your baby sleep better. Unlike other 'no-cry' experts who simply say to accept your baby getting up at night, Elizabeth Pantley offers real advice and solutions.

Like most sleep books, she recommends that you:
- Develop a Bedtime Routine
- Establish an Early Bedtime
- Follow a Flexible Yet Predictable Daytime Routine
- Have Your Baby Take Regular Naps and most importantly
- Help Your Baby Learn How to Fall Asleep Without Help

Almost all sleep books talk about bedtime routines, sleep associations, and getting kids to fall asleep on their own, but Elizabeth Pantley does a good job of explaining why this is important. Imagine that your baby 'falls asleep rocking, nursing, sucking a pacifier' and then enters a light sleep phase and notices that everything is different from when she fell asleep. Is she likely to keep sleeping or wake up? Of course she is likely to wake up.

The no-cry sleep solution will also help you to 'Change Your Baby's Sleep Associations' and 'Help Your Baby to Fall Back to Sleep on His Own' after he wakes up, whether you are breastfeeding, co-sleeping, or going back to sleep in his own crib.

This book also encourages you to log your baby's sleep, so you understand your baby's sleep associations and where any problems might lie, and to create a 'Personal Sleep Plan' that you will follow for ten days at a time until your baby is sleeping well.

Unfortunately, I think that 'no-cry' is a bit of a misnomer. Your baby will definitely cry less, or maybe not at all if you are quick to respond to her with these ideas, than if you were using the Ferber method, but she may still cry sometimes. In fact, in Chapter 4, the words 'if she wakes and cries' are used at least five times. And at other times, other words are substituted for crying, like 'fusses' and 'struggles.' This doesn't make the book any less useful, but don't be surprised or discouraged if your baby does indeed still cry a little as you help her learn to sleep well. I think no-cry refers more to the fact that you won't be leaving your baby in her bed to cry by herself, then to that she will never cry at all. It may sound like an obvious thing, but I think that confuses many people, especially those who don't think to try a no-cry method like this.

Cry Babies and Whiners

Cry babies: A friend of mine blew his top, and threw things every time he bowled. He was scary. He cured himself of this by quitting bowling, forever. Now that may actually be an excellent solution. But instead, I have chosen to control my anger. I too experienced great anger while bowling and playing tennis. I saw other people harmed by their own anger (it was embarrassing to see), and vowed to control my anger. And I think it has helped, a great deal.

But, it does no good to keep the anger bottled up inside, either. I suppose some people do need to blow their tops now and then, just to release the anger and get back to normal. Perhaps a shout of exasperation, or a cry of "Heavens to Mergatroid" (how do you spell that?), or a talk to yourself will help. More extreme, and less acceptable methods may sometimes be necessary, like swearing or hitting the tennis ball into the net. This behavior sometimes is penalized; accept the penalty. Personally, I welcome seeing or hearing my opponent's bursts of temper, as I am now much more likely to win. It hurts my opponent's game, and it gives me more confidence. If it can be done, it is better to shake your head and say, "Oh well," than it is to blow your top. And it may save you the expense of paying for what you might break.

We get angry in sports for two main reasons: (1) we are angry with ourselves (or teammates) for not doing well, and (2) we feel cheated by circumstances. This second reason happens when we do everything right, and still fail, like the basketball rolled around the rim and didn't fall, or I threw a strike and a pin stood back up, or worse yet, my opponent cheated and got away with it. For your peace of mind, you must often just admit that this is all part of the game. All sports involves luck. And if you see every turn of bad luck as a personal tragedy, then you should change that attitude, or get out of the game. Whiners don't win (well, sometimes they do). I joke that winning in sports is 50% skill, 50% hard work, and 50% luck. As your teammates will tell you, "Shake it off." If your anger affects your performance, or is costing you penalties, then you must do something about it.

In the past, quite a few athletes hated their opponents. This was motivation. Nowadays they are usually very friendly. Even hockey players who were just trying to injure each other must shake hands at the end of the game (or series of games). This is inspirational. In bowling, teams were not friendly with other teams. Now they give the opponents high fives (maybe insincerely) after a strike. We can turn on the intensity when we step up to perform, and let it loose when we sit down. This is a good sign, for a number of reasons. In chess, I used to find that distractions destroyed my concentration; now I can get it back, and continue thinking and planning, right where I left off. There is a mental discipline, in games and sports, which allows us to perform well, without carrying it over into the rest of our lives, where it can be harmful.

Winning is everything? Well yes, to a great extent. But you should be able to back off and recover, or you won't win next time. Winning was everything, for a moment there, but now, "Good game, I'll beat you next time."

Whiners: Cry babies are whiners who lose control. It is not pleasant to watch, and it is damaging to their own performances.

I guess we all must whine a little. Clearly, if you have been cheated by a bad call, you should make your objection known: "You need glasses; that ball was in." You cannot let the opponent walk all over you and the referee. And even when it cannot help you, it is OK to complain about the fickleness of the gods. "Why me? That ball should have been a strike." You did everything right, and yet you got shafted. It's not right. But don't whine too much. Luck plays a large part in any sport, and that is part of the rules of the game. There are two strong reasons for not whining: (1) it is not pretty, and (2) whining shows that you don't really understand the odds of the game. You expect justice from the gods (bowling gods, tennis gods, whatever)? Then you are foolish.

In bowling, I throw a lot of pocket hits. How many are strikes? I would guess something over 50%. In other words, a great many of my pocket hits are not strikes. And yet, I see a lot of people who are absolutely stunned when their pocket hits are not strikes. Stunned. Hey, should have been a strike; whine a little. But, if you think that every good ball should be a strike, then you are living in a dream world, and you probably are not going to improve your game. A strong pocket hit may be a strike, or (more important) it is likely to be a near guarantee that you have an easy spare to shoot. And some day, you will string the strikes, and get a great score, probably not now, but some day. It is a game of percentages; a pocket hit increases your chance of a strike. It is like that in all other sports.

Should I Let My Baby Cry It Out?

Does it takes forever for your baby to fall asleep? Does he or she only fall asleep if you breastfeed, give a bottle or pacifier, rock, carry, swing, take a ride in the car, or perform other elaborate rituals? Does your baby wake up frequently throughout the night? Are your sleep issues further complicated because your baby won’t nap easily, or takes very short naps?

As your sleep issues cast lengthening shadows over your life, you may begin to live purely for the moment. Your sleep-deprived, foggy brain may focus so intently on sleep that you can’t think beyond the next few hours of rest. You may have one – or many – people telling you that you should just let your baby cry to sleep. You are probably frustrated and confused.

Once you have some perspective about your baby’s current sleep issues, it is important to be realistic in determining your goals and to be honest in assessing the situation's effect on your life. Some people can handle two night wakings easily, while others find that the effect of even one night waking is just too much to handle. The key is to evaluate whether your baby’s sleep schedule is a problem in your eyes, or just in those of the people around you.

In addition to my two-year-old son Coleton, I have three older children, and they have afforded me the perspective I lacked the first time around. My children have taught me how very quickly babyhood passes. I struggle now to remember the difficulties of those first couple years, so fleeting are they. And I am proud that I didn’t cave in to the pressures of others around us to do what they felt was right; instead I followed my heart as I gently nurtured all of my babies. That time is long gone for us, but those memories remain. And now, all four of them sleep through the night.

By Elizabeth Pantley

Parents' Feelings

Many new parents feel very happy about the changes in their lives. There can also be some less happy feelings that sometimes you don't think you should have.
Some parents may be disappointed in the sex of the baby or resentful if they weren't wanting another child.

It can be hard coming to grips with things you weren't prepared for such as a premature baby, a baby with a disability or a multiple birth.
It can be very upsetting to have your baby crying and not be able to stop it - sometimes so upsetting that you feel like hurting your baby or leaving. If you feel desperate when your baby is crying make sure she is safe and then leave the room until you feel better: sit quietly, scream into a pillow, play some music, make a cup of tea or ring someone who understands. You may find putting your baby in a stroller and walking out in the fresh air helps. Know yourself - do whatever helps you to feel less stressed.

It can be a worry that there isn't much time to keep your home tidy or, if you have a partner, to enjoy time together as a couple.

Sometimes fathers feel shut out, or even jealous, because all the mother's attention seems to be going to the baby.
Parents may worry about how they will be able to afford all the extra costs that come with having a child.

Share your feelings with your partner or a close friend.
Often new mothers feel a bit 'down' and weepy. This is commonly called 'baby blues' and many women have this 'let down' feeling after the enormous physical and emotional experience of having a baby. These feelings usually don't last very long. Make sure you get as much rest as you can, take care of yourself and ask for support.
Mothers sometimes get very sad, tired and irritable and can't seem to shake it off. If these feelings are worrying you it is important to talk about them with your partner, a close friend or your doctor. See 'Post natal depression'.

What parents can do

All new parents need support and if you are parenting on your own, this is even more important.

Don't be ashamed to say "Yes" when anyone offers to help you.
Take care of yourself.
Make sure you take some time out for yourself to do some things with your partner, spouse or a friend.

If you find you are feeling ''down'' and irritable most of the time, talk it over with your doctor, someone at your local community health centre or a person you trust.

Don't be too proud to ask for information or advice. All parents at some stage find parenting difficult. It is not a sign of failure.

Reminders
Going to babies when they cry does not spoil them, rather it is the best thing you can do for them.

Never shake a baby - it can cause brain damage.
Babies are likely to cry less later on if you respond quickly when they are young.
Remember babies do not sleep all the time and they sleep less during the day as they get older.

Babies like company, just as we do. When they are awake they don't like to just lie there looking at the ceiling, but love you to talk and be with them.
Watch for and enjoy the little changes as your baby grows and learns.
Take care of yourself. Make sure to do some things you enjoy regularly. Get some exercise and eat well.

Sometimes you get different advice from all sorts of people. If it feels right for you and your baby is happy it is probably okay. If you are in doubt ask someone with current knowledge about babies.

Don't be ashamed to ask for and accept help from people around you. Everyone needs help sometimes and having a new baby is one of these times.

Songs and Play for Babies

Babies enjoy little games with parents from the time they are very young and these games help them to learn about the world.

Some things babies enjoy are: mimicking games, eg baby pokes her tongue out and you do it back (leave plenty of time for baby to take her turn) simple little songs and rhymes while you rock or gently jiggle your baby on your knee brightly coloured mobiles that move in the breeze for your baby to look at; these can be easily made by hanging coloured shapes from a coat hanger and changing them from time to time a walk outside in the stroller to look at leaves or grasses moving time on the floor on her tummy to kick (always supervised) helps her to develop muscles for crawling and head control gentle stroking or touching games (with rhymes) things that she can hit or push that make a noise.

Remember not to play 'rough' games with babies such as throwing them up in the air, lifting or pulling them by an arm or playing loud music. These actions can really hurt.

Immunisation

Immunisation is an important way to protect babies from some very serious illnesses.
Find out about immunisations to help protect your baby from infectious diseases.
Ask your doctor or child health nurse.

The first immunisation is for hepatitis and is offered just after birth in hospitals.
More are then due at two months of age.

Discipline

Discipline is about teaching and there are lots of things you can teach babies as you care for them.

Punishment is not useful for babies because they don't understand why they are being hurt and it is likely to make them afraid when they need to be learning to trust.

After 6 months or so you can say "No" and give a simple explanation when your baby is doing something wrong. For example: "No - that hurts". But don't expect your baby to be able to really learn what to do and what not to do for many months yet.

It is very important NOT to shake your baby because it can cause brain damage. If you are feeling very angry, put your baby somewhere safe and take a break or call someone until you can get back in control of your feelings.

Bathing Your Baby

It isn't necessary to bath your baby every day if he does not like it.
You can wash baby's face and bottom when you need to without giving him a bath.
Find out the time when your baby enjoys a bath most. It is usually not when he is very hungry.

He will probably enjoy it most when he is calm after a feed.
Between feeds at a time when your baby is unsettled a bath may help him feel better and help him to go off to sleep.

If your baby seems scared by the feeling of going into the bath water, try wrapping him in a cloth nappy or towel. Put him into the bath while wrapped, then let the wrap float away.

For most male babies the foreskin is strongly attached to the glans (the tip of the penis). Forcing it away from the glans may damage the glans or foreskin, so it is best not to do this.

Teeth and teething
If your baby has pain with teething you can give him something firm to bite on (eg cold teething ring or dummy). Rusks can be useful. If there is a lot of pain a teething gel may help.

Some babies prefer mushy food while teething because it needs less chewing; others prefer something to chew.

Your baby's teeth can be damaged by sucking on a bottle of milk or sweet drink for long periods. This can cause early tooth decay. If your baby needs something to suck on between feeds (as long as she is not hungry), try cool water in the bottle or a dummy without any sweetener (like honey) on it. Do not put babies to sleep with a bottle. (See the topics 'Sleep - birth to 3 months' for other ideas if your baby likes to go to sleep while sucking.)

You can clean your baby's teeth gently with a soft cloth as soon as they come through.

Baby Sleep Solution

I spent endless nights with little or no sleep because my child is a restless sleeper. Every sound can cause total havoc in our home. Once awake it takes forever to get her to go back to sleep. Bottles, diaper changes and rocking only work sometimes. At my wits end I decided I needed to find help and for the sake of my sanity and the happiness of my little girl, quickly.

I found this audio and wasn’t sure if it was just another one of those try me and I probably won’t work and your out the money schemes. As I was reading the information I saw there was a money back guarantee. My thought was hey you’re about to go off the deep end here so just try and if it doesn’t work you won’t be out anything in the end. Guess what? It worked.

This right to the point quick audio taught me how to get my baby to go to sleep easily and stay that way. I listened to it in my car going to work one morning and thought maybe I can do this. On the way home that night I listened to it again. That night I did what was suggested and guess what? She went right to sleep. It took a couple of times before she had her first night of staying asleep all night but that was ok with me. I had her asleep easily and to me that was half the battle.

Now we all sleep during the night. I haven’t felt this good since before I became pregnant. I forgot what a good night's sleep was like. Best of all I know my child is also getting a good night's sleep. I worried that her sleepless nights would cause her problems for the rest of her life. Now she sleeps peacefully through the night and my worries no longer exist.

Getting no sleep doesn’t have to be a way of life if you have a baby in the house. This program worked for us and it can work for you too. Try it and see for yourself. If it doesn’t work what will you be out? Remember it does have a money back guarantee. Here’s to a good night's sleep for everyone.

Baby's Sleeping

The amount of sleep babies need varies a great deal between babies and it gets less as the baby grows. Some babies sleep better where it is very quiet. Others seem to settle best with ordinary household sounds around.

Some babies sleep better if they are wrapped in a sheet, others like their arms loose. See 'Wrapping babies' for more information. Using a little routine when you are putting your baby down will help your baby to learn about going to sleep.
As he gets older you might try something like a little song (or prayer), kiss everyone goodnight, find the dummy (if he has one) and then a special kiss from you with gentle words like, "I love you". See the topic 'Sleep in early childhood'.

Safe sleep
You must make your baby's sleeping situations safe for her because she cannot know how to do this.

It is important that babies sleep on their backs and not have their heads covered.
Make sure that your baby's head is not able to slide under the bedclothes or get trapped against the head of the cot by making up the bed at the foot of the cot.
Look for the Australian Standards label when buying a cot.

Do not let your baby sleep on a waterbed or bean bag.
Remember babies like to play with anything within their reach, so place the cot away from heaters, power points, lights, hanging mobiles and curtain cords.

Use only light bedding to avoid overheating (doonas, thick quilts and heavy blankets can make beds too hot). Pillows are not necessary for babies.

Large toys and pets can smother. Check that pets cannot get into the bedroom.
Do not smoke in the same room as your baby, as the cigarette smoke is harmful to babies.

Living With Babies

Having a baby is the beginning of one of the most exciting journeys in your life. Babies bring with them the excitement of watching a new person grow and develop, the love that comes with caring, and the responsibility of knowing that someone depends on you for everything. Sometimes this also means a shortage of time and money, the feeling that everything is getting out of control, and a complete change in the way you live.

For most parents bringing home a new baby is not what you expected - you are not ready for the very strong feelings you will have or for the many changes that having a baby brings. It is important to remember that this is what happens for everyone - you are not alone. Babies learn more and grow faster than they will at any other time in life. Make the most of this time with your baby!

Getting to know your baby

In the first months of life your baby is a traveller in a very strange world that she understands nothing about. In these months she needs to learn from you that her world is safe and that there are people who will look after her. She knows this when you meet her needs for food, comfort, warmth and love. When you do this she is learning to love you and to trust you. She also is learning that she is lovable and able to do things.

Your baby needs to be fed, kept clean, comfortable and warm (but not too hot). She needs to sleep when she is tired, be fed when she is hungry and have someone to play with her and cuddle her when she is alert and awake.
She needs you to talk to her about what you are doing as you change, wash and feed her.

She needs you to hold and stroke her.
She needs to learn about the world through you telling her when something is going to change - that you are going to pick her up, change her nappy, feed her or put her to bed. This way she learns what to expect and you help her to feel safe.
She needs to be starting to learn that she can do things, very simple things at first, like making a noise when she hits a rattle.

If you think she is fun and enjoyable and you show it, she will learn to feel good about herself.

If you enjoy feeding time and spend time talking to her and playing with her she will be starting to learn to enjoy being with people.

Your baby gives little signs that show what she needs and it is important that you take the time to learn and understand what she needs and respond to this.

Why Do Babies Cry?

As a new parent, it can sometimes be difficult to work out what your baby is telling you - is she hungry, cold, thirsty, bored, looking for a cuddle? In the early days, when you have not yet learned to work out what your baby needs, this crying can be upsetting. However, you will gradually begin to recognise your baby's different crying patterns and, as you get to know her better, will be able to anticipate her needs.

As babies grow, they gradually learn other ways of communicating with us, too. They get better at eye contact, making noises, and even smiling, all of which reduce the need for crying. The most common reasons babies cry are listed below. If you have a baby who is difficult to soothe, try working your way down the list. That way, you can reassure yourself that you have tried to meet her needs as well as you possibly can.

• I need food
Hunger is the most common reason a new baby will cry. The younger your baby is, the more likely it is that she is crying because she is hungry. The exception to this is in the first day or two after birth, when some babies feed very little. If you are breastfeeding, you may well be aware of this, as the very concentrated early milk, colostrum, is produced in small amounts and you notice when the milk "comes in" around the third day. A baby's small stomach cannot hold very much, so if your baby cries, try offering her some milk, as it may well be that she is hungry. She might not stop crying immediately, but let her keep feeding if she wants to, and she will gradually be soothed as her stomach fills up. If your baby has been fed and is still crying, however, perhaps she is expressing the next need.

• I need to be comfortable
Babies will very sensibly protest if their clothes are too tight or if a soiled nappy is bothering them. Some babies don't seem to mind if their nappies are full - it just feels warm and comfortable to them - while others will call out to be changed immediately, especially if some tender skin is being irritated. Checking your baby's nappy and changing it may meet her needs, so this is always worth trying. It also gives you an opportunity to check that a nappy tab isn't too tight or that there isn't something else about her clothing making her uncomfortable.

• I need to be warm - and not too hot or too cold
Some newborns hate having their nappy changed or being bathed - they are not used to the feel of the air on their skin and much prefer to be bundled up and warm. If your baby is like this, you will soon learn how to perform a nappy change quickly so that you can calm her down again. Take care not to overdress your baby, though, so that she gets too hot. A good rule to follow is that she needs to wear one more layer of clothing than you do to be comfortable.

• I need to be held
Some babies need a great deal of cuddling and reassurance. An older child may be soothed by seeing you in the room or hearing your voice, but new babies often need close physical contact for comfort. If you've fed your baby and changed her nappy, you may find that she now simply wants to be held. Some parents worry that they will "spoil" their baby if they hold her too much, but during the first few months of life that's impossible. While some babies don't seem to need that much physical contact, others want to be held almost all the time. If your baby needs a lot of holding, you might like to try a baby sling, which allows you to keep your baby close while leaving your hands free for other tasks; this may be a solution that keeps you both happy.

• I need a rest
It is easy to assume that babies will fall asleep whenever they need to, wherever they are, simply because so many of them do. However, if your baby has been receiving a lot of attention - perhaps you've had a busy day with hordes of visitors round - she may become overstimulated and then find it hard to "switch off" and settle. Newborns can find it difficult to cope with too much stimulation at once - the lights, the noise, being passed from one adoring relative to the next - and can become overwhelmed by it all. Many parents have found that their baby cries more than usual when relatives come to stay, or sometimes just towards the end of each day. If there seems to be no specific reason for your baby's crying, she may just be saying, "I've had enough". If you can take her somewhere calm and quiet, gradually withdrawing the stimulation, she may express her feelings by crying for a while and then eventually settling to sleep.

• I need something to make me feel better
If you've fed your baby and checked that she's comfortable, but she's still continuing to cry, you may wonder if she is ill or in pain. First-time parents often find it difficult to tell whether their baby is crying purely because she's an unhappy baby by nature (and some are, as it takes them a long time to adjust to being in the world) or whether there's something genuinely wrong. A baby who is ill often cries in a different tone to her usual cry - it may be more urgent or high-pitched. Equally, for a baby who normally cries frequently, an unusual quietness may be a sign that she's not well. The most important thing to remember is that nobody knows your baby as well as you do. If you feel that there may be something wrong, give your GP, midwife, or health visitor a call. Health professionals will always take your concerns seriously, and it may be reassuring for you to know that there isn't a physical cause for your baby's crying. Always call your doctor if your baby has difficulty breathing through the crying, or if the crying is accompanied by vomiting, diarrhoea, or constipation. See our article on when to call the doctor for more guidance.

• I need something ... but I don't know what
Sometimes you might not be able to figure out what's wrong when your baby cries. Many newborns go through patches of fretfulness and are not easily comforted. The unhappiness can range from a few minutes of hard-to-console crying to several hours at a stretch, an almost constant state of crying that is sometimes called colic. Colic is defined as inconsolable crying for at least three hours a day, for at least three days a week. Many parents find it very difficult to cope with a baby who has colic, and it can put a strain on the whole family. There is no magic cure for colic, but it rarely lasts for more than three months. If you can hold on to the fact that your baby will grow out of it, that may help. See our article on coping with colic for more strategies on how to deal with this distressing condition.